Men want babies too. “Childless men are more depressed, more angry and more jealous than childless women.” So why aren’t we talking about it?

Robin Hadley can hear the children playing next door.

“That’s beautiful for me, to hear the kids enjoying themselves.”

His voice is tinged with sadness though, as he explains “It’s also a bittersweet thing because they’re not my kids. I won’t be in that garden. I won’t be providing for them and it won’t be my grandkids either.”

Robin is one of the estimated twenty-five percent of men without children. For him though, it wasn’t through choice but circumstances.

He tells me his yearning and subsequent depression were exacerbated by not being able to talk about it openly for fear of being labelled or laughed at.

Picture: Robin Hadley (babe in arms) always expected to have children

Men who fail to reproduce are often ridiculed and called “jaffas”.  Worse still, they fear being seen as a paedophile he says.  Robin’s baby is his research he says; he has channelled his energy into years of study into how society views men who have not had children. He found that men are just as broody as women but more likely to feel jealousy, resentment and depression if they don’t have the opportunity to start a family.

His research found that childless couples had less social interaction than those with children, because school, clubs and children’s parties bring people together. “It’s a club,” he says “and we’re not invited because we don’t have kids.”

Aside from the moral and emotional implications of men with children being overlooked, there are some real societal implications.

Robin Hadley (L) with his brother. Robin always wanted to be a dad.

The UK has an ageing population. People are living longer and because adult children are the most common providers of care for the elderly, more childless people ultimately means a greater need for paid care in the long run. A study by the Office for National Statistics states:

“In 2019, there were estimated to be 23,000 women aged 80 years in England and Wales who did not have children. By 2045, when the large 1960s cohort with a high proportion of childlessness reaches age 80 years, this is projected to increase to 66,000, over three times the current number.”

No figures were gathered for childless men. Why? With guidance to increase capacity on the already over-stretched system based on numbers that overlook a whole swathe of the population, it’s a care catastrophe in waiting. In 2030 there will be over 2 million people without children over the age of 65.

I ask Robin if he has come to terms with never having children.

His hesitation says it all. Although he may have accepted it in his head, I sense that in his heart, this is a grief he may never overcome.

To hear Robin’s story click here Childless Men podcast or subscribe now to Angela Walker in Conversation wherever you get your podcasts.  If you have enjoyed reading this article please share it on social media so others can too.

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